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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23991424">See you as you are</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotrharrypotter3/pseuds/lotrharrypotter3'>lotrharrypotter3</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Meetings, M/M, Pre-TFA, Very old, during TFA, original Kylux, random feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:48:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,885</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23991424</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotrharrypotter3/pseuds/lotrharrypotter3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A few times Hux got to see Kylo with his mask-off, and his reactions of it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>See you as you are</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this is something I just recently found half-written on my computer. It takes place before and during TFA, and it's from the time when this was the only episode that was out so, I'm ignoring everything after it. Anyway, I ignore almost everything that happened with Hux's character during the next two episodes so... <br/>It's mostly some thoughts and emotions, very little action but it reminds me of the beginning of this ship... <br/>Anyway, hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Hux was a smart man. He was smart even while he was still a boy, on top of most of his classes in the Academy. Ever since he was old enough to understand, he had been told that one day, he would join the First Order. Of course, being a bastard, no one had ever thought he would one day play a big role in it. But he was determined to prove himself worth it. And he was smart enough to quickly climb through the ranks. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There were a few things Hux didn't understand. One of them was the Force, another, he would find out very soon, was Kylo Ren. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hux was a lieutenant in the Order, at the age of twenty, already planning the construction of a powerful weapon that would one day have the power to destroy whole planets and systems. He was quite proud of himself and the success he had by now. And then he met Kylo Ren.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he met the Knight, he was still a young boy. There were rumours around the Order for him, saying that the Supreme Leader had gotten an apprentice. There were different rumours about Ren and where he came from, who was he. Hux didn’t think of it much. He cared for the Order and the big role he was planning to play in it. This `Knight` wasn’t a concern of his. He was one of Supreme Leader Snoke’s many peculiarities, one of the many things that were left unexplained by the mysterious man that had proclaimed himself a Leader of the First Order, claiming to be able to use the Force; just as mysterious legend. A power, surrounding all living things. One of the other things young Hux didn’t think much of. He was a smart boy, a smart man. Smart people didn’t believe in legends. Smart people minded their business and didn’t question those above them. That he was told since being an infant. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>However, Hux was also thaught to take all chances; make the most of every situation that could shoot him higher and Hux had learned to shoot for the stars. That’s why, upon hearing that he was about to meet this boy, Kylo Ren, he had taken this as a good chance, nothing more but a good chance, for himself. Meeting the said apprentice of the Supreme Leader meant trust. It meant a chance for him to become something more than a mere lieutenant later in his career. Of course, he wasn’t the only one who had met the boy that Snoke hid so well but was one of the few that had the chance to, that were seen as faithful enough to be, what could have been seen as `honoured` by some, to come as close to the Supreme Leader`s doing like this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The meeting was held on a planet near the Outer Rim. Too far from the Order and too far from the Republic. Of course, Snoke was not present, he never was, and as far as Hux could say, no one has ever seen his real form apart from the hologram that might or might not be his true appearance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hux had been on the planet as what could have been called a `mission`, to check a Stormtrooper program that was started there and report about it to the General of the ship he was assigned to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> He didn’t quite like how the Stormtroopers’ training went. Maybe one day, if he had the power to do so, he could change that too. He had an idea or two that, he believed, would be much more effective.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> He didn’t know what was the boy doing on the planet and something made him suspect he wasn’t training with the Stormtroopers. He certainly didn’t meet him around them, or anyone else. He was sent to a part of the Base that was not used for that purpose. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Upon meeting the boy, however, Hux was not as impressed as he thought he might, should be. Surrounded by the always silent and still Knights of Ren, he just looked out of place. The first thing he noticed about him was that he was young, younger than Hux. He was almost as tall as him, much more bulky than Hux’s slim frame, but his, what could be described as awkward, face showed his age. He was maybe fifteen or sixteen. His face, Hux couldn’t help but notice, radiated something that could be described as softness despite the big nose and the ears that poked out of the dark curls, reaching his shoulders. Pureness, Hux later realised. He looked too pure for this. He looked too pure for the Order, too pure for Snoke. There was something else there too. In his eyes. It looked a lot as what Hux could name sadness, maybe a bit of fear. He was, Hux couldn’t help but think, unreliable. This couldn’t be the boy that all those rumours were about, the boy that Snoke had taken under his wing. Hux couldn’t possibly understand this boy. He couldn’t quite place his role in this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>However, there was something else in this boy. It almost radiated off of him, spoke louder than his sad eyes or his large frame. It was like a low hum in the air, one that got louder with every step Hux took closer. When he reached out with his hand, meeting the boy’s, it already felt like ringing in Hux’s ears. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m Hux.” Said the young lieutenant. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“B… Kylo. Kylo Ren.” The other boy said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A silence settled between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve heard of you.” Hux finally broke it. The sentence was dull, he could almost hear his old teachers and babysitters tsk-ing, shaking their heads. It was unpolite to spread rumours or to speak of them. Especially in front of the person they were about and wasn’t this just that?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You didn’t expect to see this. See me.” Said the boy. There was something almost accusing in the way he did so. Like he judged Hux for judging him. And then he understood. That hum, the thing he could almost hear in the air. It was the boy’s wrath against Hux’s thoughts. His desire to change his mind. It was the Force and the Force radiated off the boy like waves, crashing into Hux. So that was it. That was the reason this boy had been chosen by Snoke. He was a Force-user. Or the closest thing to this that could be. The boy could feel, maybe even hear, Hux’s thoughts. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They didn’t say anything more to each other and this meeting was soon over, much to Hux’s relief. He didn’t want to stay around this boy that could get in his head. Didn’t want to feel that low, angry hum or see that too pure face. Didn’t want to know what that `B` was standing for when he said his name. He didn’t want to happen to meet this boy ever again. Not from fear of him, he didn’t fear the boy’s larger frame or his big sad eyes. Nor the Force or whatever power he used. Or the hilt of what could be nothing else than a lightsaber on his hip. What Hux didn’t want to see was the unspoken word that he could almost swear the felt, saw in his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <span>Stay.</span>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He could swear that went he turned to leave, something in the boy asked him to stay. Almost as a plead that Hux couldn’t, didn’t want to understand. He didn’t want to know, didn’t have the </span>
  <em>
    <span>time</span>
  </em>
  <span> to know what was this boy facing. Maybe he was just lonely, hoping for some company even if it was from the boy that saw him as `unreliable`. Or maybe he just wanted someone to stay and save him. But Hux didn’t have the time to stay. He had a long way to go and couldn’t afford anything stopping him. Especially Kylo Ren. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Fourteen years later, a lot of things have changed for Hux. He had managed to climb through the ranks, now proudly calling himself a General, taking the command of the First Order’s biggest ship, the Finalizer. There were other things he was proud of. His `weapon` was almost finished and the man couldn’t help but wait with anticipation to use it for the first time. He had settled some changes in the Stormtroopers’ program, indeed making them much more effective as he had wished all these years ago. However, one thing that </span>
  <em>
    <span>General</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hux wasn’t proud of was Kylo Ren. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was true that there wasn’t complete happiness in life. Soon after he’d been promoted as a general and assigned to the Finalizer, Hux had been informed about a </span>
  <em>
    <span>small</span>
  </em>
  <span> addition to the crew member. Not only that this addition was going to be his co-commander, something that Hux found completely unnecessary and dull, but it was also Kylo Ren, that boy he had met so many years ago and who he hoped to never see again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had thought that seeing that sad, lonely boy again would be bad but what he saw instead soon turned one of his biggest nightmares. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Kylo Ren had become cocky, arrogant,</span>
  <em>
    <span> insufferable </span>
  </em>
  <span>through the years Hux hadn’t seen him. He now always wore a mask that covered his face. The face, Hux sometimes found himself wondering, that probably was just as pure as the first time he had seen it. Or was it not? Was it changed, modified, </span>
  <em>
    <span>twisted</span>
  </em>
  <span> into something completely different? Was this pureness taken completely from him? But what was left then? What has become of that boy Hux saw on that planet? Hux didn't care. He couldn't, nor he had the time or energy to care about him. He was a smart man, minding his business, and that had nothing to do with Kylo Ren, the way he was before, nor the way he looked now, behind the silly mask. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>All Hux had come to understand was that he was completely wrong, once. Not only it wasn't a good idea meeting Kylo Ren, now or ever, but it was also a complete disaster even staying close to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he finally left the Bridge for a well-deserved, and unfortunately too short rest, Hux only kept in his mind the idea of his neatly covered bed, and maybe a glass of brandy for better sleep. That's why hearing the buzzing sounds from one of the control panels annoyed him beyond belief. He was already way too familiar with that noise and where it came from, whom it came from. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hurried down the halls, prepared for everything. He had quickly learned to be prepared for everything with the Force user on </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> ship. Was he once again ruining technology that cost thousands of credits? Or maybe he was taking out his anger on one of his officers again? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Opening the door, the General got to see the man holding his red lightsaber, of course, and as expected, trashing some of the very valuable pieces of technology. However, what Hux found surprising was the lack of mask. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ren still had his back to him, way too busy with his regular anger outbreak, but Hux could see the dark mane around his head, completely wild and disarranged. It hadn't changed much for the past fourteen years, Hux noticed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You'd better not be here to test my patience, General." The man suddenly said. Hux had to quickly swallow down his initial startlement by the other man's voice. He had stopped his 'work' and was now only staying still, breathing hard, his weapon still in his hand, as if it were a silent warning to the General. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His voice, it was nothing like the sound when he wore that hideous helmet. Much more human-like, yet it lacked the softness, unsureness, that the boy he once was held. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"As much as it clashes with your inner instincts and desires, Ren, these panels are especially valuable for the general functioning of the ship. I'm sure even the Supreme Leader would agree on that." Hux shot back after a second. He wasn't a fool, knowing how unpredictable the other man could be. But he knew his own value well enough to believe even he wouldn't be as foolish as to attempt slashing him along the other furniture in the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Knight was silent for a while, before turning around. He still held his weapon in hand, a challenge on his face. And his face... </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hux suddenly knew the purpose of the helmet. His face was still the same, mostly. Not very pretty, in the traditional way, yet oddly captivating. Still so pure. But his eyes, his eyes were still the dark brown Hux remembered, nothing like the Sith's stories he had heard, if the man considered himself as one, or aimed for it. But they didn't look so vulnerable and unsure now. They were cold. And angry. But there was something else. Not only the once present unsureness of his whole impression was lacking, but it was also replaced with some kind of confidence as if though he had finally managed to make a point. He wasn't the young, lost boy anymore. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Your ship." He spoke after a moment. Before Hux could ask what he meant, he added. "You think of it as your ship." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hux opened his mouth, then closed it. He wanted to say that no, it wasn't like that, but it was too obvious a lie. Of course, it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>his </span>
  </em>
  <span>ship. He was in charge of it, of its whole crew, operations and courses. He thought of it as his ship. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I was put in charge of the Finalizer when I became a General. I've been in charge of the ship ever since then. Its well-functioning is a big part of my job." He was becoming angry and annoyed, yet knew better than to try and anger him further. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And I was sent by Supreme Leader Snoke as your co-commander." The man reminded. Had he planned to come out as a meaningful statement, it only helped Hux prove his point. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"A commander doesn't destroy what he's supposed to take care of." The General deadpanned. "Under the protection of the Supreme Leader or not, I assure you, Ren, that your actions bear heavy consequences for the Order and this won't be tolerated." He took a breath, straightening his posture and examining the other man's posture, and face, looking for a trait of something that could indicate he's gone too far, that his co-commander, as he had called himself, has had enough and would decide the General's value to the Order wasn't after all so big or irreplaceable. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His posture was stone cold. His eyes were burning with this anger Hux had seen when he first looked at them after fourteen years. It had been there even on their first meeting, Hux thought, although it was still hidden behind fear, unsureness. Now it was way more burning and channelled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I would recommend you found another way to calm down your passions." Added Hux after a second. With that, he turned to leave, putting an end of the conversation. What he last saw at Ren's face, was yet another unspoken word. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>
      <span>Passion.</span>
    </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>From his still burning anger or something else entirely, Hux didn't know, didn't care. He only cared about the fact he didn't hear any more trashing from the room. Good. He knew well enough that he couldn't control the Knight, he was going to pay for the confrontation one way or another, but it was still a small victory for him, this time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>However, the rest of his evening didn't go as undisturbed as planned. Even though there was no physical presence there to upset him, his own mind was doing the work well-enough. It kept bringing him back to that man, his face. As if only now Hux truly saw the boy he had met all these years ago. He saw what had become of him, as he had come to wonder sometimes during the years. He had almost pitied him, back then, yet now he only provoked his anger and annoyance. Unreliable. Changed or not, Kylo Ren kept being unreliable. He wasn't good for the Order, or anyone who stood too close around him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He put off his cigarette, looking at the man in front of him. With his eyes closed, and outside his usual heavy robes, he looked almost innocent. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Almost.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It was in these moments that Hux's thoughts drifted to the young boy on the nameless planet. Innocent, not sure what was to come, or who he was. Not so sure of his name, even. It was far from the usually angry and barking orders Knight that made everyone onboard feel so uneasy or the big and intimidating silhouette, with a blood-like saber, making a deadly blow after blow at his enemies. He had changed so much, yet he was still holding the little boy inside him, in a way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Don't get too sentimental in your thoughts, General." A voice came, from the man, followed by a smug smile on his face. That was something entirely new, now. Something Hux had just gotten to see recently and wasn't entirely used to, yet something that for once he couldn't find as upsetting at the other man, as the rest of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I told you to stay away from my mind, Ren." Hux said. He used his General's voice, the one he usually used when giving orders. Yet the only reaction it got was to turn the other's smile into a grin and make him finally open his eyes. It was unusual to see them like this, also. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Smiling</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Hux could swear, then, the man's whole expression was clearly mocking him now. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Is it so hard to accept? You spend so much of your time, </span>
  <em>
    <span>our time</span>
  </em>
  <span> just trying to figure me out. You seem so angry when my face is covered, yet you seem angrier when you can see it." He spoke. "I'm not mocking, I'm enjoying myself."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not all of us are gifted with the ability to know all they want by just one glance at others' face. Or thoughts." Hux said almost bitterly at how his request of having his thoughts to himself was so clearly ignored. It was true, he often looked at the man, tried to examine his features But he had to </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He was a reasonable man, finding the solution to every problem that he faced, yet Kylo Ren was still a mystery to him. He wanted to figure him out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"But I thought we weren't doing that." The man said, adding. "Getting to know each other and all. I only found another way to, how had you called it? Calm down my passions. That I think we're both not complaining about." Hux could see how smug it made him feel his clear irritation about the last statement. Of course, all Kylo Ren seemed to do was just to irritate him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm not trying to figure out your childhood sob-story, Ren." He said, and couldn't help but notice the quick flash of anger flashing through the other's features. "Just... why are you the way you are now."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You want to understand why I wear my helmet." A statement followed by Hux's sigh. He couldn't see the point of the other man always stating the obvious. "Or why I'm Snoke's apprentice." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Well? Do my suggestions seem anywhere close the truth?" Hux asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Do you know why I decided to hide my face? It was that day we met. You seemed so repulsed by me."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ren, that's not-"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You didn't think I'd be worthy of the Order, that I looked too soft and vulnerable for the man I was to become."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"If that's some attempt at making me the main villain behind your transformation, it's not working." Hux said, getting irritated by the direction this was going at. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His words were ignored. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So I decided that if people couldn't see me the way you did then, they'll judge me by my actions only." </span>
  <em>
    <span>And fear me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Hux almost heard him say. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was unsettling in a way. How this first meeting, only a few minutes long, had such an impact. Hux had been young, he hadn't stood behind his thoughts back then, not really. It was a primal first impression, to him, and only later he had gone back to think about it for real and consider the boy on more levels than just his soft and young face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"And why did you decide to show me your face again?" Hux asked, letting go of the idea of deepening the conversation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You've already seen me." Came the answer. Kylo met his gaze. Hux looked away. For once, he didn't want to look at him and think about it. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>*** </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Months later, when everything had fallen apart and Kylo Ren had returned to his previous means of calming down, and Hux was yet again impossibly irritated by him, the General got to see his face again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The ground underneath their feet was crumbling, as he and the troopers hurried to find the Knight and just fleet. The cold and snow didn't matter at that point or the fact that Hux had left his greatcoat back on the Finalizer. It also didn't matter that the Knight had rushed out, in a flash of anger, after that scavenger girl. Hux was following orders, that was it. He had to, they had to find him because Snoke had said so. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And they did, to Hux's relief (Because this time Snoke would really consider getting rid of him otherwise). He was in the snow, covered in blood. For once, it was his own blood. And his face, it was nothing like the last time Hux had seen it. Yet, later thinking back of this moment, he would realise, his expression was the closest thing to the vulnerable and soft face he had first seen. Hadn't a big, </span>
  <em>
    <span>bloody</span>
  </em>
  <span> line crossed it. Later, on the ship and travelling to safety, the general thought, this would surely scar. It was in a way almost suitable to Ren's character. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Not so vulnerable and soft now, is it?" Asked the Knight, later, when his wounds were treated, yet his face was still holding the mark of the girl's weapon. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You don't look like that so much now." Hux said. Not so much like </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ben</span>
  </em>
  <span>, as the general had finally learned the name the boy had almost said on their first meeting. He certainly didn't look like the boy or the angry man he had seen destroying his ship. Or the smiling man, on his pillows in the morning. "Maybe at least now it would make some actual sense if you wore that helmet." He added, already making an attempt to distract the man from his trail of thoughts. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"No. I don't think I'll need it." The answer surprised Hux, yet it seemed like something Ren would find great meaning in. His battle scars meant that he indeed not only looked but wasn't who he was fourteen years ago. Hux thought about it for a while, then decided he agreed, on some weird, symbolic level. He never relied on these, yet it fit Ren. </span>
</p>
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